How to Make It Through the Holidays When You're Grieving or Caregiving

The holidays have a way of arriving with expectations. There are gatherings to attend, gifts to choose, meals to prepare, and traditions to uphold. Everywhere, the message seems to be the same: this is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.

But when you're grieving someone you love, or caring for someone whose health is changing, the season can feel very different.

A familiar song might bring tears. An empty chair can seem especially noticeable. Even the simplest holiday plans can feel overwhelming when you're navigating loss, exhaustion, or the uncertainty of what comes next.

And sometimes, the hardest part isn't the sadness itself. It's the pressure to feel something else.

This year, perhaps the kindest thing you can do is give yourself permission to experience the holidays exactly as you are.

Let the holidays be different

Traditions can be comforting. They can also be painful reminders of everything that has changed.

Maybe you always hosted Christmas dinner, but this year the thought of cooking for everyone feels impossible. Maybe decorating the tree brings back too many memories. Or perhaps you're caring for a parent or partner and simply don't have the energy to do what you've always done.

You don't have to recreate the holidays you remember.

Keep the traditions that bring you comfort. Change the ones that don't. Start something new, or skip a celebration altogether.

A quiet morning, a favorite meal, or an afternoon spent looking through old photographs can be just as meaningful as an elaborate gathering.

There is no single way to honor the season, or the people who have made it special.

Make space for the person you're missing

When someone dies, the holidays can make their absence feel especially present. But remembering them doesn't have to be limited to a moment of sadness.

There are small, beautiful ways to include someone you love in the season.

Light a candle while preparing dinner. Play the music they loved. Make their favorite recipe, even if it never turns out quite the way theirs did. Set out a photograph or a piece of art that reminds you of them.

You might invite everyone at the table to share a favorite memory. Or you might prefer a private ritual, something that belongs only to you.

The gesture doesn't have to be grand. Often, the smallest acts of remembrance carry the most meaning.

And if a tradition brings more pain than comfort this year, you can leave it for another time.

If you're caregiving, remember that you matter, too

Caregiving can make the holidays particularly complicated.

While others are planning celebrations, you may be coordinating appointments, managing medications, navigating difficult decisions, or trying to make the season feel special for someone who isn't well.

There can be tenderness in these moments, but also fatigue, frustration, sadness, and anticipatory grief: the experience of mourning changes and losses even before a death occurs.

You may feel grateful to have this time with someone you love and exhausted by the responsibility of caring for them. Both feelings can exist together.

Consider simplifying wherever you can. Order the meal instead of preparing it. Ask someone else to handle decorations. Let friends know what would actually be helpful, whether that's picking up groceries, sitting with your loved one for an hour, or taking something off your to-do list.

You deserve moments of rest, too.

And remember that simply being present can be a gift. An afternoon together, a familiar movie, or a conversation about an old photograph may matter far more than a perfectly planned holiday.

Give yourself permission to enjoy something

One of the unexpected difficulties of grief is the guilt that can accompany happiness.

You might laugh at a holiday gathering and immediately feel the absence of someone who should have been there. You might enjoy a beautiful afternoon, then wonder whether you should be feeling sad instead.

But joy and grief aren't opposites.

You can miss someone deeply and still appreciate a lovely meal, a favorite song, or the first cold morning of the season.

You can feel sorrow and gratitude in the same afternoon.

Finding a moment of pleasure doesn't diminish your love or your loss. It simply means that life, even in its most difficult chapters, can still offer something beautiful.

Find comfort in small creative rituals

Sometimes feelings are difficult to put into words, particularly during a season filled with conversation and social expectations.

Art can offer another way in.

Spend a few minutes looking at a painting that moves you. Write down a memory in a journal. Make a simple arrangement of winter branches. Send a handwritten card to someone who might also be having a difficult holiday.

These small creative acts offer an opportunity to slow down and pay attention to what you're feeling, without requiring you to explain or resolve it.

You don't need to be an artist. You don't need to make anything extraordinary.

The point is simply to create a little space for yourself.

At Because Art Heals, this belief is at the heart of what we make: that art, reflection, and thoughtful gestures can help us find connection when words aren't quite enough.

Let people know what you need

Friends and family often want to help, but they may not know how.

Some will avoid mentioning the person you've lost because they're afraid of upsetting you. Others may encourage you to stay busy or participate in celebrations before you're ready.

It's okay to tell people what feels supportive.

You might say, “I'd love to hear stories about her,” or “I want to come, but I may need to leave early.”

If you're caregiving, you might ask someone to take over a practical task rather than bring another gift.

And if you know someone who is grieving or caring for a loved one, don't underestimate the value of reaching out.

A simple message saying I'm thinking of you, especially this time of year can mean more than you realize.

You don't need perfect words. You just need to let someone know they haven't been forgotten.

Take the season one day at a time

You don't have to decide now how you'll feel on Thanksgiving, Christmas morning, Hanukkah, or New Year's Eve.

Grief rarely follows a predictable schedule. A day you were dreading may turn out to be surprisingly peaceful. Another may feel difficult for reasons you couldn't have anticipated.

Leave room to change your mind.

Make plans with flexibility. Step outside when you need a moment. Rest when you're tired. Say yes to something that feels good, even if you thought you wouldn't want to.

And when the holidays are over, remember that there's no deadline for feeling better.